Romantic relationships are probably the number one topic of interest among any age group. On any given day we can go online and see a meme about how they drive us crazy (especially when Mercury is in retrograde), how a real relationship is measured, and a whole laundry list of do's and don'ts that we are all guilty of violating at some point in our lives. With all the societal pressure of getting married and having children by a certain age like it is some sort of an accomplishment, most of our peers eventually convince themselves that they need to settle down. And while our brains are most certainly hardwired for meaningful social interaction, the question must still be asked: Are you really looking for love?
When is the last time you've hugged someone? Like really really hugged someone. From a kiss, to a tight hug, to a few hours of great sex, meaningful physical interactions flood our brains with a hormone called Oxytocin. Famously known as the "love hormone", oxytocin makes us feel good. So good that sometimes our bodies respond to people in a way that goes against what we logically want and see for ourselves. So you saying that man put a spell on you or that woman must have put something in the food she served you COULD be correct, but it could also be the love hormone rearranging your perception of him/her.
Besides our brains being strongly effected by hormones there is also the allure of the "in love" phase. If you're into reading, there is a book we are sure you have heard of: 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman. In this super informative book the author talks about the early stage of a relationship calling it the in love phase. You know when you just start dating that person and they can do no wrong and you agree about almost 95% of the topics you talk about? Yeah, in love phase. We all go through this phase, which lasts a few months at least. Comparable to the beginners luck of starting a business, this phase in a relationship can trick us into thinking a real connection doesn't require a lot of work and maintenance. But they do. Gary recommends we DO NOT do anything too forward in this time, like propose or get pregnant. After the in love phase is over, we sober up and begin to see the person's less attractive qualities, then the real work begins.
Contrary to popular belief, how we see our partner has more to do with how we see ourselves than anything else. This is why the work to obtain and maintain healthy relationships is so challenging; which brings us to a Rumi quote Dr. Jessica Clemons shared on her IG live session Jan 19th 2019:
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." -Rumi
Barriers. Off the top of your head, can you think of any barriers you may have created within yourself that keep you from truly experiencing love? One of the most common barriers we have is the type of person we keep choosing. There was an amazing tweet floating around about a conversation between two friends. One friend said "I keep attracting bad boys" and the other friend had a brilliant response saying "You attract all types of men, you just keep choosing the bad ones". Not sure who that friend is but she's part of the AWARE TRIBE, she just doesn't know it yet. Too often we choose a person that reminds us of someone we used to date, even though that relationship didn't end well. There is something that person brings to the table that we are almost addicted to, and as a result we walk around looking for our next hit. Relationships that are toxic are ways the Universe/Source/God screams at us "Hey! This needs healing". No matter how much we pray for a good man or woman, nothing will change until we decide to choose different. There are so many other barriers we build against ourselves that we could talk about them for the next few blogs and we still wouldn't have scratched the surface. Lets dialogue more in the comments!
Ultimately every single relationship we have is a mirror, reflecting what we think and feel about ourselves. As our awareness continues to grow we can take more responsibility for how we view everyone around us, especially the person(s) we are intimate with. We at The Aware Brand want you to make decisions that contribute to your elevation and put you in a better position to win in life. When we make those choices, we are really choosing to embrace our true self, the SELF that is beyond all the pain, fear, and anxiety we experience from time to time. Always remember that self awareness is the gateway to self love. The more confident we become in who we are, the more self love wins. So if you are really looking for love, start with yourself!
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